I have been in an active struggle with my social media use for many years. I have deleted the apps many times, only sometimes to redownload them the next day. Over the years, I have gotten off Twitter, Tiktok, and Facebook. Most of these were fairly easy to give up. I think because they didn’t make me feel super connected to people I am interested in, or care about. Instagram is different. I use it compulsively and, in a lot of instances I regret spending so much time scrolling after I’m done.
At the beginning of 2024, I tried a new approach, in which I would keep Instagram on my phone but make it difficult to access. To do this, I downloaded a screentime app (ScreenZen) so when I open Instagram, I receive a pop-up that reads, “Is this important?”. At first, this made me log out immediately, embarrassed and ready to give my attention to something that is actually important. I didn’t know what to do with this extra attention, this time I was gifted, that I used to spend scrolling. The question of what is important hung there in my awareness, and I struggled to find the answer.
Then, I decided to add a note to the pop-up to help guide my attention, Read a book.
The pop-up was effective in making me realize: Of course, this is not important. There is nothing important I need to do on this app. After a few days, the question just became purple text on a background, and I didn’t register the prompt at all anymore. Luckily, the app developers accounted for this and included the hard limit feature. My hard limit is 15 pick-ups per day, each 10 minutes each. Most days, I use them all. What’s wild is this is a 50% decrease from my average time on the app at the end of last year.
When I look deeper for explanations of my usage, I realize how much the social context plays a part. When the L.A. fires started, it felt important to stay updated--to track the containment of the fires, to witness how people were coming together to support each other in crisis, to donate to GoFundMes and to read the heartbroken shares of those who lost everything. I told myself this way, I will better understand what it feels like to have all your belongings destroyed by a natural disaster. I will understand the mental health impacts of such an experience. My future profession as a therapist is always there waiting for me to use as justification for participating in social media. I am learning about the human condition on Instagram. Consuming content in which people share vulnerably about their trials gives me a window into the human psyche. It will make me a better therapist, I tell myself.
Of course, there is a lot to unpack here. Underlying the feeling of being informed and connected, there is a deeper pervasive feeling of stress, anxiety and overwhelm. I find when I spend a lot of time on Instagram, I don’t have a lot of energy or capacity to listen to people. I am consumed with images of flames and burnt ruins. I like to think that I would be more able to rationally understand the logistics of what a loss like this means. The problem is, I am depleted. I don't have any emotional capacity to tend to others' feelings, or my own. This feels like a big insight. The videos, the information, they can be helpful to an extent. And then, they are damaging. They are depleting.
What is behind this physical feeling of depletion? One lens is biological. Scrolling social media releases dopamine in my brain, which reinforces the behavior because dopamine feels GOOD. In understanding this, I realize I am not just addicted to social media. I am addicted to the dopamine release from social media. If dopamine levels are low, a person can experience a lack of motivation, inability to feel pleasure, and fatigue, all leading toward anxiety and stress. Well, if that ain’t me after I scroll for an hour on my phone. My brain feels zapped, and I don’t want to do anything.
Now, I’m on a Google search to find my new dopamine fix with less side effects. If I can substitute scrolling with a different dopamine-releasing activity, then maybe I won’t miss it so much. Turns out all I need to do is spend quality time with my friends, laugh, listen to music, write, draw, or paint, participate in acts of kindness, or try something new or novel. These are just a few ways to release dopamine. The list is long, and actually all very accessible.
As I prepare to go cold turkey from Instagram for this assignment (I talk about in this post here) and for my mental health, I think it is important to have a reminder of where to direct all this new time and attention. Writing this blog will be one way, and so far it does feel good to create a long-form reflection.
So, my plan is to log zero minutes on Instagram for the duration of my Addictions course, which is two months long. (This includes Instagram browser mode, my favorite workaround). I am not graded on my ability to stay 100% abstinent, and I'm not assessing my success with such a narrow lens either. I am going to try my best though. If you want to get updates on my journey, subscribe to emails. Unless you have an unhealthy relationship with email newsletters, in which case, I relate.
1 comment
What a great read! I’m inspired.